"It's not safe!" 15 Comments & Questions I Get As a Solo Female Traveler (Answered)

Hot takes on why I travel alone and how it's changed me.

Dani, my language exchange friend, and me in Mexico City.

I get numerous questions (and comments) from people: friends, new acquaintances, relatives, complete strangers — in the grocery line, at family dinners, on the internet...

Some are curious.

Others, fearful…or judgmental.

Even, envious.

And, I get it. Traveling solo as a woman makes people uneasy.

But, there’s so much more than meets the eye. And, I’d love to quell some anxieties.

So, here are my responses to the top 15 questions and comments I get while traveling solo (as an Asian women in her late 20’s).

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Near Arenal Volcano National Park, Costa Rica.

1. Why do you travel alone?

Because it completely changes my experience of a place. Traveling solo opens me up to richer interactions with locals and other travelers, where there is freedom to be completely yourself. Without the buffer of a companion, I find myself more present and curious. And, others approach me with that same kind of openness.

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2. It’s not safe!

I grew up riding transit and going to after school programs in the “second most dangerous city in the U.S.” (also one of the most beautiful communities I know). Shoutout Oakland, California! Danger is everywhere. So is kindness and beauty. I exercise common sense, and still choose to see the best in everyone.

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3. So, you must be single.

I’ve been with my long-term partner for nearly a decade. And, I travel not to escape from things at home (my community, relationships, routine…) — but to spend time with myself and learn. Also, I refuse to let the generational curses of codependency define how my partner and I can (or cannot) exist without each other. Some destinations we visit together; some separately. Some friends we share; most we don’t. We value our moments alone as much as our quality time together. For us, the freedom to “just do you” and live life on our own terms (as full humans) without needing to morph to or complete the other person is essential.

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4. What’s the worst part of solo travel?

I have to use my brain the entire time. When you travel with others, you can share responsibilities and delegate (research, flights, meal-planning). Alone, you’re your everything — no backup. But honestly, the world has 8.2 billion people (and most are willing to help if you just ask). So, that’s what I do. And, I rarely feel completely alone.

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5. I hate eating out alone.

I did too, once. But then, I turned my energy to appreciating the food, to the people who prepared it, and my own company (instead of what other’s might be perceiving about me). And, to be honest, no one cares. Once that happened, I started enjoying a lot more things alone: eating out, going to the movies, and heading to social events without knowing another soul. Don’t get me wrong — I am still a social butterfly. But, I have learned that being with others is not the only way I can exist (happily and fulfilled).

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At Black Llama Hostel in Cusco City, Peru.

6. You’re so brave.

Am I? I think there are many things that people do (and overcome) everyday that is much harder than solo-traveling (a.k.a., hopping on a plane or strapping on some boots). For instance, moving to a new country; entering or leaving a serious relationship; starting a business; pursuing a passion (for real!); the list goes on. The bottom line is that I do not feel brave for setting my own schedule and experiencing the world on my own terms. And, when someone tells me I am, I honestly just shrug my shoulders.

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7. What’s the best part?

Total freedom. I eat when I want, wake up with (or without a plan), take an eight-hour hike in the afternoon (or read a book for the entire day). Either way, my actions do not have to align with someone else’s needs. I can say ‘yes’ to new plans if that’s what I intuitively desire. And, in a world where compromise is necessary (and valuable), and so much of our time is spoken for (meetings, responsibilities, and even the fun stuff!), this time is priceless.

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8. Has solo travel changed you in some way?

Yes. It has helped me come into a level of confidence and competence that I never previously had. It has also increased my appetite for adventure, serendipity, and spontaneity. I used to have (and need) a plan for everything; now, I go with the flow, relish in the unexpected, trust in myself (and the universe) and am able to experience life a bit more as it comes. It has also given me the gift of so many meaningful connections — some fleeting and others long-lasting. And, each of these humans have imprinted on my life in some way.