I got hate mail (yep.)
3 lessons I'm taking away, Possibilities Club replay, & catching up
As I mosey over to the antique armchair in my sunroom, having just finished my monthly therapy session and a hodgepodge lunch consisting of Chinese-styled potatoes and jammy sweet mustard from Germany (with a webinar in my ears), I’m thinking: I’m so excited to be back!
Wait, but where did you go?
I was out for a week, and spent it glued to my couch with a phlegm monster and stomach bug double-bunking inside of me, and my brain tossed in a salad of job-search busywork that left me feeling like I had barely escaped one of the evil forests in a Grimm’s fairy tale.
But, I’m back and eager to share all that’s been spinning in my mind and in this creative community!
→ If you’re here for your evergreen recording of Possibilities Club and not yet a paid subscriber, click here to upgrade your membership. We’ll be sending out the recording to all paid members tomorrow. To join Possibilities Club LIVE, save the date: May 12th 12-1pm PST.
🎶Haters Gunna Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate🎶
(Some of you who follow us on Instagram got a little peek last week).
It was 8 PM on Wednesday, April 15th: 15 hours before I was scheduled to run Possibilities Club live on Substack for the first time. I had a sore throat and felt a body of sickness brewing inside of me (I had aggressively popped Zicam all day, and was gargling salt water like it was an Olympic sport).
I grabbed my electric toothbrush, squeezed (too much) toothpaste onto it, and stood with my left hip popped out lazily to the side: callously brushing my teeth (sorry, dentist) and scrolling through my Instagram messages to see if any of them were about tomorrow’s workshop. I typically block social media apps outside 9am-6pm, but I made an exception that night.
As I went through my DMs, I opened a message from someone who was signed up for Possibilities Club (and had been dabbling in our world for about 6 months). Note: This person was not a “rando” on the internet. In fact, they were someone I met in-person first and who continued to connect with me sporadically over the next months. Maybe they just had a quick question?
I pressed play on their 6-minute-long voice note.
What came next was a vicious monologue berating me about (their interpretation of) my character, core values, how I showed up in the world and in their world, and how they “had enough” and wanted their money back for tomorrow’s workshop. I was dumbfounded. Not only was this message the last thing I expected, but it was impossible not to entertain their harsh accusations.
Did everyone in my community think this too? Was I really so toxic?
While I won’t recount the details of their message and my response (thanks to the steadfast support of my partner and “Shake it Off” by T-Swift)… I will share the 3 big lessons I learned:
It’s okay to be misunderstood. Not everyone gets to have the full me nor do I need to explain myself to everyone who demands a piece of me. I get to control the dial on how much of me someone gets. No doubt: it is uncomfortable to be misjudged by others (especially those I am inspired by or once desired a connection with), but it is much more important to protect my peace first.
I am not for everyone; and, everyone is not for me. My creative north star (or life path) does not and will not align with everyone else’s, and vice versa. So, while it might be disappointing to hear that someone thinks my value is not valuable to them, this feedback is actually a gift. It means that I am not simply molding to whoever crosses my path. Rather, I am being so uniquely me that people know exactly what they are opting in to (or out of). And, for a recovering people-pleaser like myself, this is a long-time coming.
When a hater comes at me, it’s probably not about me at all. This might be the most obvious takeaway, but I think it’s worth mentioning. Everyone is going through some mixture of shit in life and, though it’s never okay to weaponize these emotions onto others, it inevitably happens. So, when I receive hate like this, I try to remind myself that it’s probably a product of their current circumstances. And, no good will come from overthinking their words. Wish them well, and keep doing me.
At the end of the day, receiving feedback that “you’re not for me…like at all” is just as informative and valid as “you are exactly who I need.”
→ So, if you are here for the messy journey of building a multi-passionate creative business while juggling a non-linear career path (and tapping into as many dreams and creative joys as possible), WELCOME 🫶.
But, if not, no hard feelings! Please unsubscribe, and I wish you well in finding community on your own path.
🎶24-Karat Possibilities Club Magic in the Air🎶
Next up: your evergreen access to Possibilities Club + our next LIVE workshop…
First, I want to say: I am so freaking inspired by you all.
April 16th’s Possibilities Club was a precious reminder of this community’s collective gifts, dreams, talents, and journeys. Over the course of an hour, we dreamed our most limitless selves into existence, faced our demons, held our inner child’s hands, had heart-to-hearts with our future selves, and blossomed in community.
Here’s a couple messages I received right after the event:
If you missed this beautiful gathering, I’m happy to share that… (drum roll please)
An evergreen recording of Possibilities Club will be available to paid subscribers starting tomorrow. This means you’ll be able to follow-along the entire workshop from the comfort of your own home (or a park bench on your lunch break) and tap into a playful 4-phased creative flow to tap into your dreams and lay down some foundations for pursuing them.
We are going LIVE again on May 12th (12-1pm PST). As much as we love the flexibility of on-demand, there’s nothing like sharing energy with others in-real-time and a shared space. So, whether you missed last month’s live event or just can’t wait to come again to meet new creative humans and dive deeper into your dreams, we can’t wait to see you! Plus: we’re adding cool surprises and additions to the workshop (thanks to your all’s feedback!), and we can’t wait for you to experience 2.0 😉.
Note: all upcoming Possibilities Clubs will be hosted on Zoom instead of Substack Live. Why? Because I am trying to adapt this experience to be even more human and connective, and Substack Live just isn’t the best platform for this gathering right now. We’ll be sending updated sign-up details soon!
New to Possibilities Club? Learn more here.
Let’s Catch-Up
Lastly, here’s a quick catch-up on what I’ve been up to lately!→
Community Coffee Chats are a hit! So, we have lots more of them coming your way. If you missed our first Community Coffee Chat featuring Keriann Bellamy and Melissa Rivera, you can listen to it here.
The Possibilities Club Pod is loading! Our vision for this show is super immersive and intimate, so it’s taking a bit longer to iron out the production timeline. But, trust me: we will share more when we can (also, yes: I found an amazing editor/producer)!
We’ve been IRL a lot (in the SF Bay Area)! While online spaces can feel so aligned, there’s nothing like being in the presence of texture: hugs, post-it notes, snacks, or a shared couch or window. Lately, we’ve been working at Local Economy, hosting weekly events with Tribe Social Club, and having tea/coffee with lots of creatives around town. Later this month, we’re also excited to speak at a panel co-hosted by Women in Innovation, Service Design Network, and Adobe that will touch on how my career as a service designer relates to my identity and path as a “multi-hyphenate creative and community-builder.” Any other service designers in here?
Lastly, I’m writing a novel! Last time I shared about this was after my weekend getaway to the Tahoe Mountains. Since then, I’m disappointed to say…I haven’t written much. But, I’ve been absorbing different frameworks from writers in my world (shoutout Dan Ward!) and here are a couple: Save the Cat, a storytelling method devised by Hollywood screenwriter Blake Snyder, and Zettelkasten, a note-taking and writing system developed by sociologist Niklas Luhmann. Are you a writer with a recommendation for a writing philosophy or approach to experiment with? If so, I’m all ears!
That’s it for now. Look out for the evergreen recording of Possibilities Club in your inbox tomorrow (it will only be sent to paid members), and I wish you a beautiful rest of your week 🌻.
With zeal and gratitude for this creative life,
Vanessa